The many colors of 'fashionable' women's ware
When they are empty, pantyhose may be the ugliest things on this or any other planet. With the possible exception of possums.But that's not the reason I don't wear them. Not wearing pantyhose is pretty much of a tradition for Stewart men. Which is not to suggest that pantyhose wearing is unmanly; Joe Namath wore pantyhose.Not only did he wear them while he was playing football, he was paid several thousand dollars to wear them in a 1974 television commercial. For several thousand dollars, I would wear pantyhose and a Wonder Bra.But, like most men, I've always found pantyhose to be a bit of a mystery.Not only don't I understand how women get into them, I can't figure out why they're referred to as a pair of pantyhose. As nearly as I can tell, all of their parts are connected into a single unit.I realize that pants also are referred to as a pair of pants, but that doesn't make sense, either. You could argue that pants and pantyhose are called a pair because they have two legs, I suppose. But then, why don't we wear a pair of shirts, most of which have two arms?These questions are, perhaps, unanswerable, even for deep thinkers such as myself.But what is not debatable is that the sales of pantyhose have been declining for the past 10 years.Pantyhose watchers offer several reasons for drooping sales, not the least of which is that women hate them because they are uncomfortable and expensive.But then, women will pay hundreds of dollars for pointy shoes that pinch their toes and high heels that give them backaches, so that can't be the total answer.Another explanation is that women stopped wearing pantyhose because of the influence of the television show, "Sex and the City." The female stars of that show, it is pointed out, never wore pantyhose and they looked hot. Then again, the female stars of "Sex and the City" would look hot if they wore lederhosen.A third theory is that women with pale skin no longer need pantyhose to keep their legs from being the color of untoasted marshmallows, because there are improved tanning products on the market now that will not make their legs be the color of unripened tangerines.Whatever the reason, the pantyhose industry is doing everything it can to market alternatives for women.Tights, for instance, are fashionably correct according to one fashion magazine in its latest edition. I'm not sure what the difference is between tights and pantyhose. Besides, in its next edition that magazine probably will say that tights are out and black socks with Bermuda shorts are in.Another option is, or are, footless leggings. A woman in my office tried to explain to me what those are and why women would wear them, but I was too busy laughing to hear everything she said.One reason for the increasing popularity of footless leggings, according to a story I read, is that they now come in a range of colors, including "eggplant" and "bullfrog."Why any woman would want her legs to be the color of an eggplant is another mystery me. Although not nearly as much as why she would want them to look like bullfrogs.But it's not any of my business, I suppose. Just as long as they don't come out with pantyhose that makes women's legs look like possums.